Writer's Whiteout
Writers of every type face brain whiteouts from time to time. If you have ever sat staring at a blank page while trying to think of what to put on it, you have been a victim of whiteout.
Whiteouts are not to be confused with common Writer's Block. The temporary infliction of Writers Block induces laziness, where as whiteouts is the mental form of clogged arteries. It can last for years with only short reprieves. Writer's have been known to spend hundreds of dollars in search of an instant cure. Searching in tropics, forests, and other get-away spots for the cure, they are usually left penniless and disappointed.
Whiteouts usually last only a matter of hours although, without proper care in extreme cases, the condition can cause career damage. Some writers have tried to ignore the problem and ultimately wrote such bombs as Loving Dust Bunnies and One More for the Trail.
If you or a loved one is victimized by its parasitic presence , there is not many safe avenues of action other than eating a bowl of alphabet soup or cereal until the symptoms of whiteout have been banished. As a low calorie alternative, shows like Sesame Street or other toddler oriented programs can be watched, permitting they are on the Recommended Programs for Learning list.
In the event that this has no effect, the patient might consider more unconventional treatment. The public library houses some of the best bookworms within its rows of literature. The enthusiastic tendencies of such can be liberally administered in doses of two hour visits twice a day until whiteout has cleared up. Caution should be respected when dealing with librarians as they do have the tendency to fine for unapproved usage time for services and materials.
It is presumed that victims, primarily those with deadlines, who do not seek treatment may become victims of spontaneous combustion also. This theory is not documented with any scientific facts and still remains an urban legend to this day.
One note-worthy case of spontaneous combustion occurred during a book signing in a small Ohio town of the U.S.. This event is still under investigation, but the unofficial word is that the writer did not burn do to Whiteout, but rather from a unhappy reader that threw the writer's work at him after lighting it with gas and matches.
Whiteout is not discriminatory. Whiteout can strike at any time, to anyone. So please don't treat those that have contracted it as undesirable or contagious. Remember to show respect, because next time it could be you suffering.
For more information on this condition, please call your local Muse. If it is an emergency situation, meaning you are on fire at this moment, run to the nearest water hole and jump in. After the danger has passed, you can then proceed with prior instructions.
